Friday, June 24, 2011
Obama Drama, Scene #3: Interview with Marvin X
Marvin X Interviews President Obama
Marvin X, Thank you Mr. President for agreeing to meet with me.
Prez, The pleasure is all mine. I've been reading your blogs and find them quite interesting.
MX, I hope you don't say what Minister Farrakhan said about my comments on him.
Prez, What did he say?
MX, He said I raked him over the coals.
Prez, I agree with Minister Farrakhan. You can be quite hard hitting.
MX, They call me the sledgehammer.
Prez, Indeed you are.
MX, Call it tough love.
Prez, OK.
MX, Furthermore, I supported you wholeheartedly from the beginning. You obviously haven't seen my book Pull Yo Pants Up fada Black Prez and Yoself.
Prez, No I haven't.
MX, But I must agree with our mutual friend Dr. Cornell West. I'm sure you are aware that he said we must protect you, respect you, but check you.
Prez, Yes, I heard his remarks. And you know what I said, "You brothers need to cut me some slack."
MX, Prez, you don't need slack. You need us riding your back like Roy Rogers on Trigger.
Prez, Don't you think I have enough pressure on me?
MX, Well, I once forced the resignation of the president of Fresno State University. Well, actually he said he was pressured from above (Gov. Ronald Reagan) and below (student protests after the college refused to hire me). So we see you are the type of guy who must be pressured from above and below, from the right and the left.
Prez, How much pressure you think a person in my position can take?
MX, You got Mechelle to chill you out!
Prez, You're right about that.
MX, But I wrote about her putting a foot in your ass when you get weak.
Prez, I don't think that's necessary
MX, Well, you seem to capitulate at every turn. You call it the nature of politics, of course.
Prez, Well, I certainly don't call it capitulation. That's a bit harsh. I try to negotiate and compromise with my opposition.
MX, Prez, It seems to me you give in too quickly, sometimes when it ain't even necessary.
Prez, Marvin, it's the nature of the beast I'm dealing with.
MX, Ever heard of playing hardball? I mean I was happy you got the health insurance plan through but at what price, selling out to the insurance lobby?
Prez, I don't call it selling out, it was compromise, the best we could do under the circumstances.
MX, Prez, why have you not created a jobs program? You bailed out the banks and corporations but not the people, why?
Prez, Marv, you know I have a most difficult job and we tried a stimulus package, and it worked to some extent.
Prez, Marv, please, what are you suggesting, revolution?
Prez, Well, corporations are people now.
MX, Prez, you know what I mean.
Prez, Of course.
Prez, You're right, Marv.
Prez, Go for it!
MX, Do you feel like a white man or black man?
Prez, Well, when I'm with Mechelle, I feel black. When I'm with my Secretary of State, Hilliary, I feel white.
MX, OK. On a more serious matter, how long did you know Osama bin Laden was in Pakistan?
Prez, We had him under surveillance for some time.
Prez, a long time.
Prez, That's up to you.
MX, C'mon, Prez, do I look like Willie Foofoo?
Prez, Marv, are you calling me a liar?
Prez, We concluded that was the best way to end the matter of a man who murdered three thousand Americans.
MX, Prez, how many Muslims have you murdered since you became President?
Prez, I can't answer that.
MX, Between Iraq, Afghanistan and Pakistan, how many, especially with the collateral damage?
Prez, We tried but couldn't pull it off.
Prez, I'm not aware of them.
MX, What about the man in Yemen you are trying to kill who is an American citizen?
MX, Does this include having your friends in Israel do the same?
Prez, Events are rapidly changing in North Africa and the Middle East. Therefore we must all make a paradigm shift in our thinking and behavior, including Israel.
MX, And Bahrain?
Prez, It's a special case. We have strategic interests there.
--Marvin X
5/18/11
Marvin X Writes Obama's Speech to Muslims
As-Salaam-Alaikum
I, Barack Hussein Obama, President of the United States of America, come before you tonight in the name of Almighty God Allah. We, the America people, are pleased to see the people of North Africa and the Middle East rising up against our long time friends in Tunisia, Libya, Egypt, Yemen and elsewhere.
Of course we instituted a no fly zone over Libya but it is most difficult to do the same in Gaza. The recent unity of Hamas and the Palestinian Authority is nice but simply not in the interests of our dear friends in Israel, nor is it in the long term strategic interests of America and her friends throughout the region, especially our brothers in the House of Saud.
While we endorse the cries for freedom in Tunisia, Libya, Egypt and Yemen, we cannot support the people in Bahrain. We suspect they are simply agents for Iran and therefore we cannot support their cries for freedom. We have no plans of moving our Fifth Fleet from Bahrain, especially since it is a counterweight to Iranian provocations. We therefore endorse the sending of Saudi troops to crush the Shia uprisings in Bahrain.
As per Saudi Arabia, we love democracy but it is simply not in our interests to have the Saudi regime destabilized because of a few unhappy citizens, again, many of them are agents of Iran, especially those Saudi women who want to drive cars.
As per Iran, we call for democracy in that nation, even though we accept full responsibility for overthrowing the democratically elected leader, Mossedeq, and installing the Shah who oppressed his people for many years.
We know you share our joy with the elimination of the hated terrorist Osama Bin Laden. Even though we created him and supported him, the time came for his removal, even though we were aware he was living in a mansion with his three wives in Pakistan. He served us well, but the time came for his disposal. You know how we handle those who outlive our usefulness, e.g., Saddam Hussein.
We promised a total troop removal from Iraq, but circumstances may prevent this unless it is expedient for my upcoming election. We hope the people of Iraq understand, especially that guy Sadr and his army of the poor in Sadr City who fought with us to no avail.
Our regional partners, namely the Sunni neighbors of Iraq, have warned us not to leave Iraq under a Shia regime, again this will only benefit Iran, the enemy of world peace. Not Israel and certainly not America who is the champion of world peace as you all know throughout the Muslim world, not matter that we are now occupying Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan and making inroads into Libya. You may be surprised to learn that it is not the oil we want in Libya but the water. Yes, water will be a precious commodity in the coming days. We pray to Allah you can understand why we do what we do.
As per Afghanistan, we have promised the Taliban if they lay down their arms, we will give them schooling, housing and employment. We wish we could offer the same to our boys and girls in the hoods of America who are terrorizing their communities with drugs and guns, but our budget crisis will not allow education, housing and jobs for the boys and girls in the hood, although we can do this for the Taliban. As you know we did this in Iraq and this was the real cause of the decrease in violence, not the socalled surge of Baghdad under General Betrayus.
As you know, General Betrayus will be taking over the Central Intelligence Agency. We appreciate his role in prolonging the war in Iraq and Afghanistan. We feel he has been successful in routing the 100 to 500 Al Quida in Afghanistan, especially after we sent him thirty thousand additional troops.
Finally, our friends in Pakistan may have some misgivings about the unilateral move we made to eliminate Osama bin Laden, but we want them to get over it and not make any silly moves like seeking revenge with their nuclear option.
I close in the name of peace, As-Salaam-Alaikum.
President Barack Hussein Obama