The Marvin X Jackmon/Murrill/Conley/Benjamin/Lee
Family Memorial for Cousins Stan, Faye and Sandra Murrill
Sacramento 4/8/19
"My God, be strong my brother!"--Dr. Cornel West to Marvin X on learning of the transition of X's cousins in Sacramento, West's hometown. FYI, West's cousin, Kwame Satterfield, is Marvin's stepson. What a small and wonderful world!
Stan the Man!
Faye and Sandra Murrill
Marvin X, Sister Debbie and Brother Tommy
The memorial service began with my departed cousin Faye's son, Byron, officiating. Byron noted that his mother had taught him how to handle details, and he learned well from his mother. For example, Byron is a manager at the DMV in Oakland. When I came to the DMV to renew my driving license, Bryon was on his job. When a clerk told me I needed a certain amount of money to renew, and I didn't have the money on my, Byron said, "Cuz, don't come to the DMV with no money!" I departed to the bank to get some money and returned to handle my bizness.
Byron told the story of being in the car with his mother and aunt, Sandra. He said one was hot and one was cold, so he didn't know what to do. He thought of turning on the heater and letting the window down simultaneously. Perhaps the sisters were going through menopause. And then he spoke his uncle Stan II, the wild man, hustler, revolutionary, Stan the Man, Butterball, the man everyone loved because he had a heart of gold and was, in the family tradition, raw and blunt to the max. But Stan had a certain charisma that was overwhelming. Byron and other nephews and nieces spoke on his ability to attract people, especially, women with his charming good looks, Jesus hair style and clean dressing.
Byron was followed by Ron Conley, maternal uncle of the deceased, but he was overwhelmed by the moment. Two nephews testified how their aunts treated them but most especially how Stan gave them manhood training when they visited for summers. Let's be clear, this family drama began in Fresno, no matter the Murrills, Conleys, Jackmons, and even the Lee's, although they mostly lived in Modesto where the oldest Murrill brother, Adam, resided. Marvin's favorite cousin was Carol Lee, daughter of Adam. As a teenager, Marvin used to party with his cousins in Modesto. They were into Jazz, Johnny Walker Red, MJQ, Ahmad Jamal, as well as Sam Cooke. The last time Marvin saw Sam Cooke was at a concert in Stockton that he attended with his Modesto cousins. One of the Modesto cousins came to him at the memorial, reminding him who she was and gave him the health status of his Modesto cousins.
The truth is that many family members who had lived in the central valley, Fresno, Modesto, Madera, Merced, eventually moved up the valley to Sacramento, including the Murrill's, Lee's, Benjamin's, Conley's and Jackmon's.
Nieces told of how detailed Faye was, how into fashion Sandra was, who told them the seasonal fashion colors that they cared nothing about. But even on dialysis, they said Sandra went in fashion. Cousin Connie's sons, Alphonso and Eric, told of how their Uncle Stan gave them game and manhood training.
After I spoke saying my cousins were like brothers and sisters, somebody shouted, "Sometimes better than brothers and sisters!" I continued, "But my uncle Stan was not only the single father of six children, he was my surrogate father as well, the man determined to make me a man in the absence of my father. Further, in adulthood, when I visited Sacramento as a writer, Stan, Sandra, Faye and their siblings supported me. When I was a featured author at the Sacramento Black Book Fair, Stan kicked it with me at my hotel suite, but when he requested I come spend the night on his couch, I declined his hospitality although I loved him madly, yet, I told the audience, Stan loved me more than I loved myself. He spoke of me constantly, even in my absence. He distributed my books in his apartment complex and throughout the hood. He took me to his neighbor's apartment, Fillmore Slim, who purchased my books and has been a friend ever since. I ended the comments section of the service with a recitation of Surah Al Fatihah in Arabic, then the repast began.
We give thanks and praise to Bryon Murrill for organizing this memorial under great stress, trauma and grief. We pray our family will heal in due time. As the Qur'an says, "After difficulty comes ease!"
--Marvin X
4/8/19