Five Years In My Solitude
For Duke and the Ancestors
A time to heal
A thousand wounds of this world
Battles I didn't need to fight
fought not fearing death
Only Allah was my fear
His arms wrapped me
Tightly as lover holds beloved
I stood straight on the battlefield
Even as a man child
When the governor sent his troops after me
I did not know the awesome power of the State
Did not care
Allah was my General
Whom shall I fear
best soldiers need R n R
after the death of dreams
Lovers father mother
Even my child
Time came to heal
The thousand wounds
After Flight exile capture
Jail Prison
House arrest
Blacklisted whiteballed
Drugs to medicate
Smother the pain of nothingness
Dread
I could not love my last lover
Or the one before her
I was pain to them all
They only wanted to be loved
I wanted my creativity
But didn't know it
Misplaced aggressive
Misplaced love
Finally moment arrived
To escape my fake love
Insincere heart soul mind
She said you don't want me
Just my pussy
Why don't I mail it to you!
My patron gave me a place of solitude in the hills near Paradise
burned to ground
Near Yankee Hill
Ten acres in Cherokee
To walk out pain in my black heart
Down the road from Feather River
I loved swimming in the sun
Wrote five books
Five years in the foothills
Solitude except for the hawk
Wild turkeys deer frogs
bees loved the Sage brush at my door always open for bees flies spiders
Lizards
Even birds came through the open door
Birds came inside for a closer listen as chorus for my John Coltrane record
Even outside in the trees
I heard the birds call and response to John Coltrane
Can you imagine birds accompanied St. John Coltrane
Choral Arkestra Sun Ra would have loved
When I told birds bees lizards spiders it was time to leave they left
I had no desire to kill them
Now and then my city friends came to visit but many wanted to kill
Bees flies ants turkey deer hawk
Please go home
Return to your wicked city
Kill nothing here
Go home to your killing floor
Leave me in my solitude
And prayers
For the Native American souls I here wailing from hill to hill in the stone silence of the day and night
Was the fire justifiere
How can Paradise burn
We die to enter Paradise
How can Paradise burn
What is the story of Yankee Hill
Across the road
Did Yankee blood soak the land under my feet
Land I hear in the silence of screams
a thousand souls wailing to be heard not forgotten
Recognized for the pain and glory of resistance
Why could we not share the land
Why do plunderers love blood
Ritual sacrifice to gods of war
Ogun gods perhaps.
Here comes the Ogun Squad.
Worshippers of Yakubian god of steel.
No these are gods the North cradle
Diop taught us about them
Tragedy and murder is primary theme
Leitmotif
Pervasive
Model of critical white race theory
Study mythology
Ordeal by fire
Burning man annual fest
Long before pic a nigga
Pic a white burning man
Family outting
In the name of Jesus you burned pic a nigga
And Jesus saved me
Only me can save me
I don't know what you came to do.
I came to praise His name!
But note critical rituals
No mercy gods of war
I do not know all the history
But I know the history
In my solitude
I gaze upon the land
Pine trees tall upright soldiers wanting to tell tales of victory
And victory comes to all one day
Every dog has his dad
A day for you
A day for me.
There is no escape
No hiding place
These rolling hills
Tall pines
Shall speak truth
Were you just unjust
Did you come in the name of love
Did you give justice love
Why is blood on the land
Listen to the silence shattering ears
Can you hear the God of Nature?
See the sun blessing the land
I Listen to birds up early
Listen to cows horses
They listed to me
See my story why I talk with cows
They listen to my every word
Stand at attention
I have witness
Cows are not hard headed negroes
The bull controls the herd
Don't mess with his cows
He will make his way to you
Like the rooster guarding his hens
Don't mess with his hens laying their eggs.
Solitude took me back to Nature's God.
You don't know what to do
Observe Mother Nature
If Mother Nature do it
You do it
If Mother don't do it
You don't do it
This is called common sense
Not common these days.
Cows horses let you know
if you don't come on time with oats and hay
Ever seen cow horse stare
looking mean like they starving to death
Staring into your window far away you feel their strong vibe telling you to bring oats hay
in hurry
If you know what's good for you
Mister Human Being.
you arrive with oats and hay
horses greedy
Push cows out way
Specially when you come with oats
Cow can't get one oat from a horse.
Better Ax somebody.
Long after I am gone
Fire comes to Paradise
Paradise no more
In Cherokee
Ten acres
Big house burns
My house untouched.
Praise be to the God Allah
If it is Him you serve
Serve Him/Her if you please
I serve my Lord. To you your way and to me mine: lakum dinukum waliya din.
Pine trees will speak again one day
Those who listen shall not be in denial of the screams deep down in roots
In the bed and swift current of Feather River where I swim in the sun down the road from my abode
Five years in my solitude
I healed
Ready for battlefield again
Not to fight battles I already fought
Ideological dogmatism
Religiousity sectarianism
The low information vibration mentality
Not for me
As I prepared to leave the rolling hills I came to understand the death of lovers
Who come for a time
Then go their way to other worlds
Some are only for the night
Some for years
Some for eternity
Some dissappear before dawn prayer.
no attachments
But to Allah
To whomever you serve as Allah
As we departed the beautiful rolling hills
We understood death of Mother Father son sister brother uncle aunt
Comrade brother sister warrior.
We understood death is life
Life is death
Rolling hills taught me to stand
I awakened each day
gazed upon pine trees in regale silence
I honor hawk
commanding sky
swoops down upon his prey
Hawk taught me silence of the killer.
I am ready for my city
I depart my solitude
Let the blood of this land be upon me as I return to the city to share the peace of my life
Alas, a man bought one of the five books written in my solitude
He said the peace in the deep structure of my book calmed his soul whenever he got upset.
And so it is
When a mother is calm
Her children are calm.
Thanks to my Patron
Abdul Leroy James
May he rest in the Paradise that shall only burn with the eternal fire of love.
--MARVIN X
11/21/20